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How To Know When You Are Ready To Adopt

Julie and I had talked about adoption for years. But I have a confession to make: I wasn't ready for it. When I broached the subject of adding Baby No. 4 to our family more than two years ago, Julie gladly had the conversation.

She made it clear, though: The only way we do this is if we pursue embryo adoption.

My heart must have been a pretty ugly place back then because I initially resisted the idea. I didn't push back with words. I simply walked to our room and had a good think. It was one of those moments when all of the noise around you disappears and you struggle to figure out why you feel as though you've been knocked off course.

To be candid, the decision came with finality. Julie and I never faced infertility, unlike many couples in much more challenging circumstances. But choosing embryo adoption meant our child wouldn't be biologically related. In reality, that means nothing. But believing that in the abstract and actually acting on it are two different things. I had to align my values system with my selfish heart.

The Bible advocates meditation for a reason. You need to know yourself, know Scripture and know that God is going to change you and your behavior before He can make room for a child. It's not something anyone else can do for you.

Forgive a brief example from the world of farming, where I spend most of my professional life. It used to be that farmers tilled up the soil to push down the weeds and bring up the good earth. Now, more farmers are limiting their tillage and keep fields greener longer -- as it fits their farm -- because it prevents good soil from running off the field after a hard rain. And good soil makes crops grow.

Back to the heart. You don't have to become a completely new person to be ready to adopt. You don't need till up the entire field until the black dirt lies flat on the landscape. You simply have to acknowledge that family is far more expansive than genetics and plant the seed of adoption early and often. Family extends to all kinds of people living in all kinds of circumstances. Love is the common bond that actually matters.

When I thought about embryo adoption, I realized our family had the opportunity to bring a child into the world who wouldn't otherwise have that opportunity. I knew we would love our baby, boy or girl, but in the back of my mind, I hoped I would someday have the chance to go on a date with my daughter. I even wondered if we might have multiples.

You might be on a similar path, thinking through whether adoption makes sense in your family. It might not be an easy decision. But I can assure you that if you prepare your heart, even as you push back against fears and stereotypes, it can be one of the best decisions you will ever make.

Then you will know you are ready to adopt.

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