Selfish Parenting Versus Selfless Parenting

As parents, we often get the terms "selfish" and "selfless" mixed up. If we are doing something that makes us personally happy, we reason, we are being selfish. If, on the other hand, every waking moment is spent in service to our children, we are being selfless.

Ah, but to the contrary.

There is a third term we have overlooked, and it is the most applicable in this scenario. It is "self-deprecating." This is the act of downplaying your own contributions.

There's nothing wrong with being modest, or putting others first, or sacrificing temporary needs for long-term gain. But if you repeatedly sacrifice what you personally need -- sleep, affection, peace of mind, adult relationships, time alone -- you will be unable to provide the best possible energy, enthusiasm, and support for your children.

The rule is simple if difficult to apply: Care for yourself, and your children will be well-cared for.

Comments

The Spark Inside Every Baby

Julie and I enjoyed a delightful evening with longtime friends for the Fourth of July. The day ended with 360 degrees of fireworks around their home in southwest Missouri. There is a visceral excitement surrounding Independence Day. You can feel the explosive "pop" of fireworks as they launch from the ground and again when they burst apart mid-air. Every flash of light, every report -- the booms and the screams -- rekindles memories of my childhood in Colorado. My family would pack up our lawn chairs and head to a nearby golf course to watch fireworks launched from the Boulder County Fairgrounds. More recently, we've joined my parents to watch displays against the backdrop of the Flatirons. Yet for all of the similarities fireworks share, each is unique. There is fresh excitement for the observer because it's impossible to predict what the next display will look like, exactly. If you are a parent, you understand that watching your children mature similarly e...

Toddler Interrogations

I invited Ezra to sit with me this morning as I wrote my blog post. His eyes immediately were drawn to the thumbnail pictures of me on the screen. "There's Nate. And there's Nate," he said. "Daddy," he continued, "is that your glasses and your head and your hair and your chin?" Yes, dear. Yes, it is. Now it's onto the computer battery. "Daddy, what's this called?" A computer battery, I responded. "Oh. A computer battery. Daddy, why is this for your mouse [pointing at the USB]? Is that to make the mouse and that to make the mouse move on the screen [point at the keyboard]?" And so it goes. Little minds connect all of the dots, starting with the right questions. All we have to do is answer them, and keep answering.

'A Link Between Angels And Men'

I ran across a quote today that I think is particularly true and that parents know better than anyone: “A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men.” That observation comes from the English writer Martin Farquhar Tupper , who lived from 1810 to 1889 . How is it that those words still resonate nearly 130 years after his death? Perhaps it is because they capture the joy of a newborn. Few sights are as innocent as a baby fast asleep, a hand across the chest, tiny fingers spread out and still. Indeed, it is this restful and unimpeded state so many adults seek and so few seem to find. Another explanation for the power of the passage is this: We have become so accustomed to the violence and suffering in our world that we long for the opposite state of being. It is a reality accessible only in our imaginations--and in the lives of our children. No wonder we seek to give t...

Thaw Your Baby: The Embryo Adoption Blog

Search This Blog