Thaw Your Baby: The Embryo Adoption Blog

Julie and I had talked about adoption for years. But I have a confession to make: I wasn't ready for it. When I broached the subject of adding Baby No. 4 to our family more than two years ago, Julie gladly had the conversation. She made it clear, though: The only way we do this is if we pursue embryo adoption. My heart must have been a pretty ugly place back then because I initially resisted the idea. I didn't push back with words. I simply walked to our room and had a good think. It was one of those moments when all of the noise around you disappears and you struggle to figure out why you feel as though you've been knocked off course. To be candid, the decision came with finality. Julie and I never faced infertility, unlike many couples in much more challenging circumstances. But choosing embryo adoption meant our child wouldn't be biologically related. In reality, that means nothing. But believing that in the abstract and actually acting on it are two differen...

No matter where I travel for work -- and this year, it's been all over the place -- I always have the reassurance of going back home to be with my family. My sons are fascinated by planes, and our oldest, Micah, brags he is the only Birt child to have ever taken a flight. One day, Julie and I will take all of them on a journey. For now, though, we'd rather be back home together. Always look forward to the return flight home.

...Realizing you could have been kinder with your child. Or more empathetic. Or more affectionate. Or a better example, role model or spiritual anchor. Or less glued to technology that sucks away attention. Or far less selfish. The list could go on and on. The point is this: What are you doing now because of what you learned then? How are you bundling the raw, emotional energy -- of screwing up and veering off your vision for your family -- and converting it to action steps that get you back on track? A few suggestions: If you aren't leaning on your spouse, or a close circle of friends, or another trusted adviser, start leaning. Parenting is a lonely art without the wisdom of people who care about you and your family. Forget what everyone tells you. There are no parenting experts, only parenting experimenters operating on and recycling fundamental ideas that have been around for generations. Science and data are useful guideposts, but they can't replace th...

For many people, the concept of embryo adoption is completely foreign. As an adoptive parent, it's helpful to know a thing or two about the process in case you need to field questions. In short, embryo adoption is the process by which a family with embryos created during in vitro fertilization (IVF) places any embryos they did not use during IVF cycles with an adoptive family. Placing families frequently keep any remaining embryos frozen. From a Christian worldview, those embryos are human and deserve the best chance at life. Nightlight Christian Adoptions became the first agency to formalize the adoption process for embryos, and others have followed. The thinking -- rightly so, in my view -- is that as embryo babies grow older, they will naturally ask questions about where they came from and want a deeper understanding of their heritage. The formal adoption process, including a legally binding contract between the families, ensures embryo adoption is just as valid as any ot...

There's nothing particularly special about a bird feeder. Some are elaborate. But most are utilitarian. Remove the lid. Add sugar water or seeds birds like to eat. Replace the lid. Wait. The enormous joy of a bird feeder comes on the other side of the setup and the waiting. First, one bird alights on the perch and takes a peck of the food. Good. It takes another bite. Then another. And another. Soon, all the birds in the neighborhood are flocking to the feeder. They aren't all birds of a feather, either. Reds, blues, yellows, oranges. Different species and sizes, all vying to take bites big and small of the food held inside the wondrous invention of the feeder. Every choice you make for your family is the same way. Will you risk everything for the possibility of great gain? Will you create an adoptive family profile and share it with your agency in the hope a placing family will find you? Or will you keep the bird feeder in a box in your house to gather dust? Risk c...

If you have spent any time on Twitter this week searching for comments with the #adoption hashtag , you have probably seen a steady stream of troubling comments about adoption. The underlying body of evidence documenting cases of bad actors in the system displacing non-orphan children from their parents and bringing them to the U.S. is deeply disturbing, as author Kathryn Joyce documented in a 2016 article for The New Republic . But as is too often the case with social media, comments take on a life of their own and weave a narrative that is black and white when the reality is far more gray than anything. The allegations go something like this: Christians are eagerly watching as children are separated from parents at the U.S.-Mexico border. Christians will adopt (dare we say snatch) those children thoughtlessly as part of a selfish campaign to build their families and save the souls of the innocent. The children will grow up scarred and disconnected from reality because they will...

You should get to know my cousin Kara King. This past year, she launched a tremendous blog called GRACE; in conjunction with her return trip to South Korea, where she was born, and for anyone considering adoption, it's required reading. Kara's story is particularly meaningful to me because 1) she's awesome, 2) she's family and 3) she brings fresh perspective to couples considering adoption and wondering, "Yes, but how will my baby feel about being adopted when she grows up?" More than that, she was the first baby to be adopted in our family. I can remember rocking on my Mamaw's porch in middle Tennessee and taking turns with my siblings stroking her hair as she slept. Even then, Kara was a trailblazer. To quote just one of Kara's observations , this one based on the close relationships she built with fellow adoptees: "I can’t express into words how safe and comfortable it felt to be around so many people who just “got it.” They understo...