Skip to main content

How To Know When You Are Ready To Adopt

Julie and I had talked about adoption for years. But I have a confession to make: I wasn't ready for it. When I broached the subject of adding Baby No. 4 to our family more than two years ago, Julie gladly had the conversation.

She made it clear, though: The only way we do this is if we pursue embryo adoption.

My heart must have been a pretty ugly place back then because I initially resisted the idea. I didn't push back with words. I simply walked to our room and had a good think. It was one of those moments when all of the noise around you disappears and you struggle to figure out why you feel as though you've been knocked off course.

To be candid, the decision came with finality. Julie and I never faced infertility, unlike many couples in much more challenging circumstances. But choosing embryo adoption meant our child wouldn't be biologically related. In reality, that means nothing. But believing that in the abstract and actually acting on it are two different things. I had to align my values system with my selfish heart.

The Bible advocates meditation for a reason. You need to know yourself, know Scripture and know that God is going to change you and your behavior before He can make room for a child. It's not something anyone else can do for you.

Forgive a brief example from the world of farming, where I spend most of my professional life. It used to be that farmers tilled up the soil to push down the weeds and bring up the good earth. Now, more farmers are limiting their tillage and keep fields greener longer -- as it fits their farm -- because it prevents good soil from running off the field after a hard rain. And good soil makes crops grow.

Back to the heart. You don't have to become a completely new person to be ready to adopt. You don't need till up the entire field until the black dirt lies flat on the landscape. You simply have to acknowledge that family is far more expansive than genetics and plant the seed of adoption early and often. Family extends to all kinds of people living in all kinds of circumstances. Love is the common bond that actually matters.

When I thought about embryo adoption, I realized our family had the opportunity to bring a child into the world who wouldn't otherwise have that opportunity. I knew we would love our baby, boy or girl, but in the back of my mind, I hoped I would someday have the chance to go on a date with my daughter. I even wondered if we might have multiples.

You might be on a similar path, thinking through whether adoption makes sense in your family. It might not be an easy decision. But I can assure you that if you prepare your heart, even as you push back against fears and stereotypes, it can be one of the best decisions you will ever make.

Then you will know you are ready to adopt.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Sad Truth About Lost Family Time

Today as I drove to pick up Titus from Safety Camp, I noticed a funeral procession headed toward my car. I pulled over to the side of the road as had the other drivers around me out of respect for this family that had lost a beloved member. Life has a way of sobering us up to the reality that we are only here for a short time. Everyone's allocation is different and unpredictable. In recent months, with a fourth baby and a regularly evolving career, I have caught myself getting so caught up in checking boxes off my to-do list and ensuring everyone's needs are met -- including my own selfish desire for more, better, faster -- that I lose track of the moment. My children will only be little once. My laundry will most assuredly outlast me and probably my grandchildren. I have started asking myself a question when I am at home with my family. It haunts me, and that is why I ask it. I fear too few of us do it. The question is this: If this is the last time I am with the p...
2 comments
Read more

'A Link Between Angels And Men'

I ran across a quote today that I think is particularly true and that parents know better than anyone: “A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men.” That observation comes from the English writer Martin Farquhar Tupper , who lived from 1810 to 1889 . How is it that those words still resonate nearly 130 years after his death? Perhaps it is because they capture the joy of a newborn. Few sights are as innocent as a baby fast asleep, a hand across the chest, tiny fingers spread out and still. Indeed, it is this restful and unimpeded state so many adults seek and so few seem to find. Another explanation for the power of the passage is this: We have become so accustomed to the violence and suffering in our world that we long for the opposite state of being. It is a reality accessible only in our imaginations--and in the lives of our children. No wonder we seek to give t...
2 comments
Read more

The Hardest Thing About Parenting Is...

...Realizing you could have been kinder with your child. Or more empathetic. Or more affectionate. Or a better example, role model or spiritual anchor. Or less glued to technology that sucks away attention. Or far less selfish. The list could go on and on. The point is this: What are you doing now because of what you learned then? How are you bundling the raw, emotional energy -- of screwing up and veering off your vision for your family -- and converting it to action steps that get you back on track? A few suggestions: If you aren't leaning on your spouse, or a close circle of friends, or another trusted adviser, start leaning. Parenting is a lonely art without the wisdom of people who care about you and your family. Forget what everyone tells you. There are no parenting experts, only parenting experimenters operating on and recycling fundamental ideas that have been around for generations. Science and data are useful guideposts, but they can't replace th...
2 comments
Read more