But as is too often the case with social media, comments take on a life of their own and weave a narrative that is black and white when the reality is far more gray than anything.
The allegations go something like this: Christians are eagerly watching as children are separated from parents at the U.S.-Mexico border. Christians will adopt (dare we say snatch) those children thoughtlessly as part of a selfish campaign to build their families and save the souls of the innocent. The children will grow up scarred and disconnected from reality because they will never be returned to their parents. They may never know their biological families. And this follows a documented neocolonialist pattern of adoption misbehavior among Christians dating back decades if not centuries.
If anyone claiming to be a Christian engages in any of the above practices, shame on them -- and shame on us if we donate our time and talents to unethical adoption nonprofits. Adoption is complex, but it's imperative to perform due diligence before giving to causes you don't fully understand or whose unintended consequences you haven't taken time to address.
With that in mind, I would caution my friends on the other side of the adoption spectrum -- adults whose adoption experience has been less than desirable, if not downright devastating -- to consider the alternative.
What would our world look like without adoption? Zero. None.
On the one hand, as I wrote earlier this week, there is a powerful case for keeping families together. On the other, it is hard to argue that there are not at least a handful of children worldwide who, even though they might not meet the literal definition of orphan, are born to genetic parents who long for them to have a better life -- or a chance of life at all, in the case of embryo adoption.
As open-adoption author and advocate Lori Holden wrote this week on Twitter: "My thinking is this: Parents are not interchangeable. Until we accept & understand that #Adoption brings loss as well as gain, we will keep acting as if parents ARE interchangeable."
I suspect it is this reality that terrifies so many. Truthfully, I've thought a lot about what family means -- and how adoption completely redefines that structure. Gain is inextricably woven with loss.
Without question, our society's views on adoption are changing, and events such as those of this week will recur and challenge Christians who believe adoption can be done ethically, morally and for the benefit both of placing and adoptive families.
Yes, there are bad actors. But there are also many people who want to do right by our most vulnerable.
These are not parents with hero complexes. These are parents who have faced infertility for years, or have sought to help someone in need, saving paycheck after paycheck.
Contrary to what you might read, adoption isn't something that only wealthy people engage in. Although adoption is disproportionately more common among couples with household incomes two to four times higher than the federal poverty level, those figures become somewhat more balanced across income levels when you consider private domestic adoptions and foster care, according to a 2011 federal report. Embryo adoption wasn't included in the list, presumably because it represents a fraction of overall adoptions.
It would be wonderful if all countries of the world could come together and directly target funding at the issues that tear family apart -- hunger, poverty and political upheaval. We can and should work toward a more peaceful, just and ethical world. That includes keeping children with their biological families whenever possible. But we must remember there are families that believe their most loving choice is to place a child with another family. To remove that choice is to deprive those placing couples of the right to navigate with their own moral compass -- and to deprive adoptive families of the ability to extend love and affection to an innocent child.
If you are considering adoption and you've been discouraged by the events of this week, it's understandable and warranted. But remember the apostle Paul's admonition in Galatians 6:9, which reads: "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
All of us have complex backstories and baggage to spare. Adoption opponents are no different. But to become weary is to risk giving up. And if giving up means leaving behind one baby deserving of adoption who instead fell victim to fearmongering, I want no part of it. Neither should you. Listen with empathy, but arm yourself with facts. Understand the nuances of adoption and be prepared for necessarily emotional conversations.
Do not give up.
Now it's your turn: What do you think Christians -- and anyone seeking to adopt -- should make of recent events? Is adoption a broken system desperately in need of repair? Or would specific reforms or a more nuanced understanding of the adoption process help create understanding and help families find solutions? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.
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