Skip to main content

Forget The Schedule

One of the biggest challenges you will face on your journey to embryo adoption is the constant temptation to look at the clock. It's pure muscle memory. We do it in every aspect of our lives.

At our house, everything involving the boys involves a timer. For example, Titus asks, "When's dessert?" I pull out my phone, set the timer to five minutes and tell him to go run off some energy until it's time. It isn't a perfect system, but he prefers having something concrete. It's an objective source of feedback that doesn't involve his daddy's whims and lack of judgment.

That's the blessing -- and the curse -- of the clock as adults. On the one hand, it's a reassuring reminder that you are moving forward. You are making progress. You are one step closer to meeting your embryo baby. Every application completed, every email sent, is a few ticks of the second hand nearer the finish line.

But the clock is also a terrible judge of many other things. It is an awful mirror. It tells you nothing about the depth of the emotions you feel each day as you reflect on your adoption dreams and all of the things that could possibly go wrong along the way.

It can't ferry you forward in time to see how everything turns out OK in the end. Nor can it take you backward and help you reword that message you just sent or the phone call you just made that provided less information than you'd hoped.

You can burn up precious energy fretting over what will be or has been. That's an option.

Or you can find something to channel your energy. Find a project around your house that you love. Make a list of books you've been meaning to read and crack a spine. Call someone you care about and ask how they're doing. Send a thank-you note.

When you feel tempted to invest time stewing on your own problems, try instead to use that energy to celebrate life or, better yet, help someone else appreciate their place in the world.

Your baby will set your schedule when he or she arrives. Babies don't look at the clock.

Neither should you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

'A Link Between Angels And Men'

I ran across a quote today that I think is particularly true and that parents know better than anyone: “A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men.” That observation comes from the English writer Martin Farquhar Tupper , who lived from 1810 to 1889 . How is it that those words still resonate nearly 130 years after his death? Perhaps it is because they capture the joy of a newborn. Few sights are as innocent as a baby fast asleep, a hand across the chest, tiny fingers spread out and still. Indeed, it is this restful and unimpeded state so many adults seek and so few seem to find. Another explanation for the power of the passage is this: We have become so accustomed to the violence and suffering in our world that we long for the opposite state of being. It is a reality accessible only in our imaginations--and in the lives of our children. No wonder we seek to give them
2 comments
Read more

Make No Excuses

I come from a long line of apologists. By which I mean, we apologize and express regret for many if not most of the things we do, most days of the week. Perhaps you know people like this. As a parent, I have come to realize that this approach is largely a waste of time and energy. Both of those resources are in short supply. Who cares what other people think about your decisions? It's tough to critique people who act with integrity and within the framework of their faith. For example, tonight my energy is waning. Julie and I just completed our monthly budget. It is prime-time entertainment, let me tell you. I'd like to keep on pushing forward on my manuscript. That big announcement I've been promising is coming any day now. I'm beyond excited. It pains me that my eyelids are drooping. Microsoft Word will be around tomorrow, just as it is today. But tonight, I am saying: No. I've heard it's a complete sentence . You have my permission to say "n
2 comments
Read more

Toddler Interrogations

I invited Ezra to sit with me this morning as I wrote my blog post. His eyes immediately were drawn to the thumbnail pictures of me on the screen. "There's Nate. And there's Nate," he said. "Daddy," he continued, "is that your glasses and your head and your hair and your chin?" Yes, dear. Yes, it is. Now it's onto the computer battery. "Daddy, what's this called?" A computer battery, I responded. "Oh. A computer battery. Daddy, why is this for your mouse [pointing at the USB]? Is that to make the mouse and that to make the mouse move on the screen [point at the keyboard]?" And so it goes. Little minds connect all of the dots, starting with the right questions. All we have to do is answer them, and keep answering.
Post a Comment
Read more